medication dependence

I have become even more painfully (literally) aware this past week of how dependent I am on prescription medication to control my rheumatoid arthritis.  this past week brought two changes in my medication schedule - one purposeful, one accidental.

on Tuesday I cut my Celebrex intake in half, per Dr. J's instructions.  I have been on Leflunomide for over a month now, and it should be doing its part to stop the disease progression by now.  if it is, I shouldn't need to take so much Celebrex to control the pain.  Tuesday also marked the first time I didn't take my Methotrexate on schedule.  I get my medications through my insurance's mail order system, and it failed me this time.  my refill wasn't here on Tuesday, so I missed my weekly meth pill popping.  my local pharmacy was able to help me out with a "bridge," or a one time, one dose refill that would tide me over.  the meth returned to my system Thursday evening.

so here we are on Sunday.  the morning stiffness has been out of this world the past few days, reminding me of those mornings seven months ago when I couldn't even throw back the covers to get out of bed or walk down the hall to get some coffee.

now I'm no doctor - I leave the doctoring to the good Dr. J - but I have to believe there's a connection here.  my medication regimen changes and boom, I'm back to square one.  well, it's a little better than before treatment started, so maybe square three or four.

what I do know for sure is that these pills are what's keeping me going.  as annoying and sometimes disheartening it is to choke down dozens of pills and shell out the cash for them, they have given me back a quality of life that was lost completely when RA started kicking my butt.  and by butt, I mean joints.

I wrote some weeks ago about wanting to be medication-free.  there are many RA sufferers out there who are able to control symptoms with dietary changes and different vitamin and supplement cocktails.  sure sounds good to me, but it just might not be my reality.  definitely not now, and maybe not ever.  so, dreams and courses of treatment and visions for the future change, and that's ok.  the naive RA patient I was months ago did not know what the only slightly less naive RA patient I am today knows -- that doctors are smart, Dr. J is the man, medications can be life changing, and sometimes it's worth a more intrusive course of treatment so that I can throw back the covers to get out of bed and walk down the hall in the morning to get a cup of coffee.

hats off to all you med-free RAers.  and my heart goes out to those who can't seem to find a medication regimen or other course of treatment to their symptoms under control.  this is a cruel, cruel disease and also a very unique one.  keep on keeping on, my RA friends.